Listen up all you newbie grandmothers: The class will be meeting, and you will be expected to attend.
Syllabus: etiquette during labor and delivery (and where to park.)
How to clean the cord. (soap and water only; alcohol is out.)
How to work the %&*#! car seat.
How to do the swaddle. (That is a wrap for the baby; not a dance for you.)
How not to alienate your children.
You might think that, when confronted with a newborn, all your little tricks will come flooding back. A couple of hours spent at a class for your express demographic, given by your local hospital, will remind you just how flawed your memory really is. (You’re welcome.) And you will learn about advances in technology and medical science. (and etiquette.)
Technology: the %&*#! car seat. Medical science: to reduce the odds of SIDS, babies now sleep on their backs. Etiquette: Do not butt in. Do not give advice unless asked. Do not be offended if your help is not wanted in the way that you would like to give it.
Bonus: you can bring the expectant grandpa right along with you — another way that child care has changed this time around.